Peter the Great
© 2005 Yulia Sharipova
As I started waking up, and I opened my eyes, I realized something was wrong. I was not in Honolulu anymore! I was lying in a hay stack in some marketplace; I was at the bazaar. I looked around for a moment. Bearded men in fur hats walked around with their wives wearing sable coats. It was the middle of the winter, and I was wearing a T-shirt and shorts! I found a warm piece of cloth and ran into a bakery. Suddenly, everyone started running and shouting “the Tsar is coming!” As I followed the crowd, I saw a large number of officials and some peasants walking by the Tsar’s carriage. Suddenly, from behind the curtain, the Tsar himself appeared. He was just like I imagined him. He was tall, wide shouldered, had wavy black hair and a serious, powerful look on his face. That’s the way I remember him.
He noticed me in the crowd (remember, I was wearing shorts, a T-shirts, and slippahs!) and ordered me to come closer to him. My heart was up in my throat, and I could not reply anything. He whispered something in the ear of one of his guards. Without explaining anything to me, the guard grabbed my arm and placed me in the carriage. The Tsar got back in and ordered for the driver to take him to the Preobrazhenskoe palace.
Meanwhile, in the carriage, I was frightened…no, I was terrified, anxious, worried! I sat still; trying to breathe as little as possible. All of a sudden the Tsar started speaking to me. I bowed my head and listened.
“Who are you and where are you from” he asked.
“I’m Yulia…from Hawaii”
“HAWAII? What is that?” he inquired with a raging voice.
I didn’t know how to explain it, so I just said that it was a street somewhere in the East of Russia. He believed me!
We got to the palace. Everything was studded with gold and all sorts of jewels. Fine silver cups and plates stood on tables made from the most expensive wood. Persian rugs and crystal chandeliers filled the room. It was the most beautiful place I have ever been in.
I was treated like a tsarina. Food was given to me on golden plates, I slept on a bed of silk, and I even got to sit on the throne! But everywhere I would go, guards followed me. It was like I was a prisoner in heaven.
One day, I heard from a guard that they were going to execute someone the next day. Someone that lives in the Palace, someone that just got there a couple of days ago, someone was me. I couldn’t believe my ears. Why was I treated so nicely? I went to go see the Tsar. It all turned out to be a rumor, but the following day I was sent for questioning by an interrogator. They thought I was a spy.
After the interrogation, I went up to my room, and thought about it. I thought about Russia, and about Peter. What would Russia as we know it today be like if Peter the Great hadn’t ruled this country? What significant changes did he make in Russia? How has he helped the country prosper?
Ever since Peter was a little child, he has been interested in war games and boats. He had his own little army of friends, which would have miniature battles against one another. He believed in doing everything himself. He would work alongsifde his workeres and laborers. He learned shipbuilding in Amsterdam and built a ship by himself. He called himself captain Peter Alexeevich. While his embassy traveled to European courts, he accompanied it as Peter Mikhalilov, the carpenter. He served as a seaman and as a soldier.
Peter the Great started “Modern Russia”. After all his incognito travels to Europe, he realized that Russia needed to be westernized, and quickly. While traveling in Europe, he would always wake up extremely early, and go sightseeing around the country. He would go to jails, mints, battlegrounds, and other places and get ideas about how to reform Russian and its people. Russia had to be westernized in order to be independent. Peter the Great was fascinated by mechanical inventions, shipbuilding, sailing, and the government models of the west. All of the influence he gathered from his travels was incorporated into his ruling Russia. He changed everything about Russia.
Peter the Great was not afraid of labor. He believed in starting from the bottom and working his way up. He learned ship building from the Europeans he invited to Russia, and built a ship himself, which he captained as Peter Alekseevich. In 1697, he accompanied an embassy to European courts as a carpenter named Peter Mikhailov. He also served as seaman and soldier. In November 1724, when one of his ships needed help, he dove into the freezing ocean to assist the rescue.
Peter sent Russians to be educated in the West, and imported skilled labor, military and administrative experts from abroad. He encouraged smoking, but taxed tobacco. Because European men usually were clean shaven, he taxed Russians wearing beards. He modernized the calendar, simplified numerals, and encouraged private industry and mining. All of his success wasn’t without a price. To make his country better, he taxed his people heavily. To ensure continual contact with the West, Peter captured the eastern shores of the Baltic Sea from the Swedes and built a new capital, St. Petersburg, on its shores. Peter was a big strong man, 2.04 meters (6' 8'' inches) tall, and unlike previous monarchs, not afraid of physical labor. In November 1724, he dived into the cold northern ocean to assist in a ship rescue. It led to his illness and death.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Одноэтажная Америка
Одноэтажная Америка
© 2005 Yulia Sharipova
Автор: Илья Ильф
(Файнзильберг Илья Арнольдович)
Илья Ильф родился 15 октября, 1897 года в Одессе. Отец у него был банковский служащий. Ильф окончил техническую школу в 1913 году. В течении его жизни он часто менял профессию. Он работал чертeжником, телефонным монтером, токарем, статистиком, и бухгалтером. Ещё он работал на газету «Моряк» и работал редактором журнала «Синдетикон». В этом журнале он публиковал свои стихи под женским псевдонимом. Тогда же он придумал псевдоним «Ильф».
В 1923 году Ильф переехал жить в Москву. в Москве он занимался литературным творчеством. В 1925 он поехал в командировку в Среднюю Азию. В 1925 он работал в редакции газеты «Гудок». Там он познакомился с Евгением Петровым.
Автор: Евгений Петров
(Катаев Евгений Петрович)
Евгений Петров родился 13 декабря 1903 года в Одессе. Отец у него был учитель истории. Он окончил классическую гимназию в 1920 г. Петров работал корреспондентом Украинского телеграфного агенства. Он также работал инспектором уголовного розыска. В 1923 году, Петров переехал в Москву, где он продолжал заниматся образованием и занялся журналистикой. Петров жил в Кропоткинском переулке. Работая в редакции газеты «Гудок», он познакомился с Ильей Ильфом.
Совместная работа
В 1925 году, началась Совместная работа Ильфа и Петрова. Они вместе сочиняли темы для рисунков и фельетонов в журнале «Смехач». Они также вместе обрабатывали материалы для газеты «Гудок».
В 1928 году, в журнале «30 Дней» была опубликована первая значительная совместная работа Ильфа и Петрова – роман «Двенадцать Стульев». Идея этого творчества принадлежала брату Евгения Петрова – В. П. Катаеву. В 1935 – 36 Илья Ильф и Евгений Петров совершили путешедствие по США. Результат этой поездки была книга «Одноэтажная Америка».
«Одноэтажная Америка»
«Одноэтажная Америка» очень знаменитая книга о поездке Ильфа и Петрова в США. Авторы покинули Москву 19 Сентября 1935 года и прибыли в Нью-Йорк на корабле «Нормандия» 7 Октября. Они пересекли весь материк; из Нью-Йорка, в Калифорнию, и обратно в Нью-Йорк.
Писатели проехали «25 штатов и несколько сотен городов», с помощью мистера Адамса (на самом деле мистера Трона). Вместо отдыха, они записывали всё в «свои книжечки».
Когда я читала книгу «Одноэтаджная Америка», я всегда вспоминала своё путешедствие по Соединёным Штатам Америки. Я всё время сравнивала их поездку с моей. Они писали про Нью-Йорк, Ниагарский Водопад, Чикаго, Грэнд Кэнйон, Хуверскую Дамбу, Калифорнию, т.д. Я во всех этих местах была, и мне приятно было их вспоминать вместе с авторами. Некоторые вещи очень изменились, например машины. Они говорили про «Студебеккер». Я ни разу не слышала о такой машине! У Ильфа и Петрова была машина Форд «мышиного цвета». На этой машине они и совершили своё путешедствие по США.
Было очень интересно читать про людей которых встречали авторы. Они встретились с владельцем автомобильной компании «Форд», с индейцами, с работниками разных фирм, с другими авторами, и с «хич хайкерами». По моему эти «хич хайкеры» были самые интересные. Они расказывали про свою жизнь, отвечали на все вопросы, но не разу не задали ни одного вопроса авторам. Вот что обнаружили Ильф и Петров про Американцев.
Авторы не тольо ездили по большим гороам, они ездили по «одноэтажным». Они останавливались ночевать и кушали в них. Прочтя эу книгу, я поняла что я ещё ничего не знаю про Америку. Когда я вырасту и куплую себе машину, я хочуопять совершить путешедствие по США, только в этот раз останавливатся в «одноэтажных» городках.
© 2005 Yulia Sharipova
Автор: Илья Ильф
(Файнзильберг Илья Арнольдович)
Илья Ильф родился 15 октября, 1897 года в Одессе. Отец у него был банковский служащий. Ильф окончил техническую школу в 1913 году. В течении его жизни он часто менял профессию. Он работал чертeжником, телефонным монтером, токарем, статистиком, и бухгалтером. Ещё он работал на газету «Моряк» и работал редактором журнала «Синдетикон». В этом журнале он публиковал свои стихи под женским псевдонимом. Тогда же он придумал псевдоним «Ильф».
В 1923 году Ильф переехал жить в Москву. в Москве он занимался литературным творчеством. В 1925 он поехал в командировку в Среднюю Азию. В 1925 он работал в редакции газеты «Гудок». Там он познакомился с Евгением Петровым.
Автор: Евгений Петров
(Катаев Евгений Петрович)
Евгений Петров родился 13 декабря 1903 года в Одессе. Отец у него был учитель истории. Он окончил классическую гимназию в 1920 г. Петров работал корреспондентом Украинского телеграфного агенства. Он также работал инспектором уголовного розыска. В 1923 году, Петров переехал в Москву, где он продолжал заниматся образованием и занялся журналистикой. Петров жил в Кропоткинском переулке. Работая в редакции газеты «Гудок», он познакомился с Ильей Ильфом.
Совместная работа
В 1925 году, началась Совместная работа Ильфа и Петрова. Они вместе сочиняли темы для рисунков и фельетонов в журнале «Смехач». Они также вместе обрабатывали материалы для газеты «Гудок».
В 1928 году, в журнале «30 Дней» была опубликована первая значительная совместная работа Ильфа и Петрова – роман «Двенадцать Стульев». Идея этого творчества принадлежала брату Евгения Петрова – В. П. Катаеву. В 1935 – 36 Илья Ильф и Евгений Петров совершили путешедствие по США. Результат этой поездки была книга «Одноэтажная Америка».
«Одноэтажная Америка»
«Одноэтажная Америка» очень знаменитая книга о поездке Ильфа и Петрова в США. Авторы покинули Москву 19 Сентября 1935 года и прибыли в Нью-Йорк на корабле «Нормандия» 7 Октября. Они пересекли весь материк; из Нью-Йорка, в Калифорнию, и обратно в Нью-Йорк.
Писатели проехали «25 штатов и несколько сотен городов», с помощью мистера Адамса (на самом деле мистера Трона). Вместо отдыха, они записывали всё в «свои книжечки».
Когда я читала книгу «Одноэтаджная Америка», я всегда вспоминала своё путешедствие по Соединёным Штатам Америки. Я всё время сравнивала их поездку с моей. Они писали про Нью-Йорк, Ниагарский Водопад, Чикаго, Грэнд Кэнйон, Хуверскую Дамбу, Калифорнию, т.д. Я во всех этих местах была, и мне приятно было их вспоминать вместе с авторами. Некоторые вещи очень изменились, например машины. Они говорили про «Студебеккер». Я ни разу не слышала о такой машине! У Ильфа и Петрова была машина Форд «мышиного цвета». На этой машине они и совершили своё путешедствие по США.
Было очень интересно читать про людей которых встречали авторы. Они встретились с владельцем автомобильной компании «Форд», с индейцами, с работниками разных фирм, с другими авторами, и с «хич хайкерами». По моему эти «хич хайкеры» были самые интересные. Они расказывали про свою жизнь, отвечали на все вопросы, но не разу не задали ни одного вопроса авторам. Вот что обнаружили Ильф и Петров про Американцев.
Авторы не тольо ездили по большим гороам, они ездили по «одноэтажным». Они останавливались ночевать и кушали в них. Прочтя эу книгу, я поняла что я ещё ничего не знаю про Америку. Когда я вырасту и куплую себе машину, я хочуопять совершить путешедствие по США, только в этот раз останавливатся в «одноэтажных» городках.
How I Understand It
How I Understand It
© 2006 Yulia Sharipova
Quote:
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
- Carl Jung
Discussion:
Carl Jung was a student of Sigmund Freud, which isn’t surprising when you look at some of the things he has said and written. The quote above has a very significant meaning in my life and in the lives of others around the world. Have you ever looked at someone and thought “That person is so unpredictable”, or “I hate the way she glares at me that way”, or criticized somebody’s irritating characteristics? Sure you have, we’ve all done that. If you take a moment to analyze your thoughts or the conclusions that you make about another, you will see, that you are not that dissimilar from them. You will see that the way your boss snaps because his son’s baseball team lost the Little Leagues, you snap at some insignificant guy that runs around and brings you your mail because your boyfriend didn’t call you back. Both of these things don’t have anything to do with you or the pitiable mail man.
In our world you often hear how people are criticizing others and saying malicious things. You might see an overweight person on the street and the first thing that you observe is their heaviness. You involuntarily think “how could a person consume so much and become so weighty?” You might not apprehend that they might have some disorder that causes them to eat more than the average person. As I walk down a school hall, I often hear people say things like “oh, she wore that shirt yesterday” or “look at those nerds, all they do is sit and work on math problems all day, what losers!” When you are irritated by others, judge them, or say nasty things about them without them even knowing about it, you are hurting them, but you are also hurting yourself. Admit it, have you ever judged someone and then felt good about it? I haven’t. There is always a slight sense of guilt after any insult or pointed finger. When you look at someone and are irritated or feel guilty, you are inflicting negativity upon yourself. You change your mood from being content and minding your own business, to being angry or jealous. It might seem like your emotions are not a big deal, but you will bring them home with you. By feeling upset, you are hurting the people around you and your loved ones. Like lice, or a virus, the negativity jumps on to them, and before you know it, china is flying and doors are slamming.
Sometimes such irritating things lead us to compare people with ourselves. We might look at a businessman wearing an Armani suit talking on his cell phone and getting into his limousine, and think, I wish I were him, I wish I could have his life. But you never know; what if his mother is dying or the love of his life left him? Would you still want to be him then?
I myself have often looked at someone and judged them without getting to know them, guilty as charged, and yes, I am trying to stop forming opinions about people, and maybe eventually I will quit. You shouldn’t care about some comment that your drycleaner makes about you, you don’t have the slightest idea about what is going on in his mind, or about what is happening in his life. If you stop looking at people through the eyes of a critic, you will see that life is a lot more peaceful that way. You don’t have to constantly worry about strangers and the things that irritate you about them.
When we look at someone and find something irritating in them, it might just seem like a simple feeling. What makes us feel anger towards others? The things that bother us are somehow linked with our own lives. Why do we look at someone and feel repugnance and revulsion towards them? The things that bother us, is it deep inside us that our sub-consciousness is bringing these issues up to the surface and makes us realize these areas of our lives that make us feel aversion towards others need attention.
What this has to do with me:
The quote above is personally significant to me. Sometimes I look at my siblings and think that they are so immature, and they have so much growing up to do. I feel like I am the perfect human compared to them. When I look at my sister crying, and her tantrums, I can connect her behavior to my own. If you take away her toy, she will start crying (and it is very difficult to take her attention away from the object that she wants). The same goes for me and other people around the world. No matter how old or mature some people may seem, you will always find some sort of weakness and irritating factor.
Conclusion:
Nearly everyone is irritated by one person or another, and when analyzing his/her behavior will find that life isn’t about judging people or being the best. We shouldn’t look at people and form opinions right away, for this will not only destroy our target’s self esteem, but it will ruin us. In this way we are killing ourselves from the inside out. When you are irritated by people, it might not necessarily have a large impact on their lives, but you in return are carrying around a chain of negativity.
We must understand that our emotions toward certain individuals are not just feelings that are on the surface. We feel these emotions because something is troubling us deep within us. You cannot always tell what it is that is bothering us but as we search deeper and deeper inside ourselves for answers to why we feel so angry or irritated toward some people, we are finding these reasons and are truly proving that “everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
© 2006 Yulia Sharipova
Quote:
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
- Carl Jung
Discussion:
Carl Jung was a student of Sigmund Freud, which isn’t surprising when you look at some of the things he has said and written. The quote above has a very significant meaning in my life and in the lives of others around the world. Have you ever looked at someone and thought “That person is so unpredictable”, or “I hate the way she glares at me that way”, or criticized somebody’s irritating characteristics? Sure you have, we’ve all done that. If you take a moment to analyze your thoughts or the conclusions that you make about another, you will see, that you are not that dissimilar from them. You will see that the way your boss snaps because his son’s baseball team lost the Little Leagues, you snap at some insignificant guy that runs around and brings you your mail because your boyfriend didn’t call you back. Both of these things don’t have anything to do with you or the pitiable mail man.
In our world you often hear how people are criticizing others and saying malicious things. You might see an overweight person on the street and the first thing that you observe is their heaviness. You involuntarily think “how could a person consume so much and become so weighty?” You might not apprehend that they might have some disorder that causes them to eat more than the average person. As I walk down a school hall, I often hear people say things like “oh, she wore that shirt yesterday” or “look at those nerds, all they do is sit and work on math problems all day, what losers!” When you are irritated by others, judge them, or say nasty things about them without them even knowing about it, you are hurting them, but you are also hurting yourself. Admit it, have you ever judged someone and then felt good about it? I haven’t. There is always a slight sense of guilt after any insult or pointed finger. When you look at someone and are irritated or feel guilty, you are inflicting negativity upon yourself. You change your mood from being content and minding your own business, to being angry or jealous. It might seem like your emotions are not a big deal, but you will bring them home with you. By feeling upset, you are hurting the people around you and your loved ones. Like lice, or a virus, the negativity jumps on to them, and before you know it, china is flying and doors are slamming.
Sometimes such irritating things lead us to compare people with ourselves. We might look at a businessman wearing an Armani suit talking on his cell phone and getting into his limousine, and think, I wish I were him, I wish I could have his life. But you never know; what if his mother is dying or the love of his life left him? Would you still want to be him then?
I myself have often looked at someone and judged them without getting to know them, guilty as charged, and yes, I am trying to stop forming opinions about people, and maybe eventually I will quit. You shouldn’t care about some comment that your drycleaner makes about you, you don’t have the slightest idea about what is going on in his mind, or about what is happening in his life. If you stop looking at people through the eyes of a critic, you will see that life is a lot more peaceful that way. You don’t have to constantly worry about strangers and the things that irritate you about them.
When we look at someone and find something irritating in them, it might just seem like a simple feeling. What makes us feel anger towards others? The things that bother us are somehow linked with our own lives. Why do we look at someone and feel repugnance and revulsion towards them? The things that bother us, is it deep inside us that our sub-consciousness is bringing these issues up to the surface and makes us realize these areas of our lives that make us feel aversion towards others need attention.
What this has to do with me:
The quote above is personally significant to me. Sometimes I look at my siblings and think that they are so immature, and they have so much growing up to do. I feel like I am the perfect human compared to them. When I look at my sister crying, and her tantrums, I can connect her behavior to my own. If you take away her toy, she will start crying (and it is very difficult to take her attention away from the object that she wants). The same goes for me and other people around the world. No matter how old or mature some people may seem, you will always find some sort of weakness and irritating factor.
Conclusion:
Nearly everyone is irritated by one person or another, and when analyzing his/her behavior will find that life isn’t about judging people or being the best. We shouldn’t look at people and form opinions right away, for this will not only destroy our target’s self esteem, but it will ruin us. In this way we are killing ourselves from the inside out. When you are irritated by people, it might not necessarily have a large impact on their lives, but you in return are carrying around a chain of negativity.
We must understand that our emotions toward certain individuals are not just feelings that are on the surface. We feel these emotions because something is troubling us deep within us. You cannot always tell what it is that is bothering us but as we search deeper and deeper inside ourselves for answers to why we feel so angry or irritated toward some people, we are finding these reasons and are truly proving that “everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
Monday, May 7, 2007
LOVE DENIAL Sonnet and Analysis
Love Denial
Looking into your sweet, soft, gentle eyes,
Feelings confuse and overwhelm me.
I cover my emotions, finding a disguise,
For smiles and sighs that come sincerely.
Whenever you are to me near,
I try my best to disregard your presence.
It's the emotions that I fear,
The ones that don't make any sense.
I wish to never again see thee,
So I would not be tempted to
Tell you the thoughts that roam inside me.
I wonder what would happen if you knew?
Maybe I shouldn't fight what's true.
Soon, you will know the way I feel toward you.
Sonnet Analysis
“Love Denial” is a sonnet that shows all aspects of love. It shows certain emotions that can come from this state. One of the feelings that almost everyone deals with when is love is doubt. “Do I really love this person?” It can be hard to answer this question and decide. Some emotions can make you want to retreat. At the beginning you may feel head over heels in love, and then suddenly become bothered by the one you thought stole your heart.
In the beginning, the narrator talking to the person they love and telling them how gorgeous, amazing, and wonderful they are. As she looks into his “sweet, soft, gentle eyes,” she is overcome with a mixture of emotions. She is afraid that if he sees her looking, sighing, and smiling at him, then he might be repulsed by her actions. She is worried that he doesn’t feel the same way toward her and doesn’t want him to feel strange about it if he finds out her true feelings. The quote “I try to find a suitable disguise, for smiles and sighs that come sincerely,” describes that she is trying to cover her feelings and facial expressions, but it is difficult, since she is so in love.
The second stanza shows us a slightly different perspective. The narrator is continuing to describing some fears that she has about this romance. She is worried about the consequences. She is so in love with him, that when he is around her, she cannot function. She melts, she starts to pant, and is overpowered by his presence. This is why she tries to disregard him, to avoid making a fool of herself and doing something that she would regret later. She is constantly in a state of dreaminess because of him. He is the one who makes her so lost in everything else that is going on in her life, because he is the only thing she can focus on. The thoughts that roam in her mind are about him. “Does he love me, should I tell him how I feel, should I stop liking him, is this leading anywhere?” These are some of the questions that she tries to answer to herself. She knows that he is the source of all her feelings, but is still surprised at the emotions that he makes her experience. Each time she sees him, or hears his name, she gets stirred up. She turns around to see if he is around, and if he isn’t, she goes back to dreaming about him. But if he is, she turns away and pays no attention to him. It is always like this. When we are in love, we idolize the person in our minds, but when we are around them, they are very different from how we imagine them to be. We are aware that nobody is perfect, but being in the physical presence of someone is very different than just imagining and thinking of them. Most of the time, love is an illusion and what we are imagining is much more appealing than the truth.
The last full stanza is showing yet another attitude. It shows the narrator wishing that she would never again have the chance to see her beloved. She understands that maybe she is too into this guy, and the only way for her to stop loving him is for him to never see her again. She doesn’t want to be distracted by this eye candy. She is afraid that at some point, she won’t be able to hold in her emotions anymore, and she will burst! She does not want to share them though, so if she doesn’t see him, then she will not have the chance to tell him. Just when you think that the narrator has decided that she won’t be overpowered by her emotions, the last couple of lines of the sonnet inform you that she is taking into consideration talking to her loved one, and telling him about her feelings. The last line “Soon, you will know that way I feel toward you”, is implying that she is going to tell him the way she feels, and there is no doubt about it. It is inevitable.
I decided to write this sonnet because this is a feeling that I, and many people, experience. When you are in love, and at such a young age, it is difficult to decide if it is really true, of if it is just a little crush. At first you try to be with the person that you “love”, but it might become too much to handle. Then, we try to escape this feeling, and try to avoid the source of our love. As we chase, then abandon, then chase again, we are overwhelmed by everything going on. It is difficult to analyze our feelings, and decide why it is that we love this person so much.
The word choice that I tried to incorporate into the sonnet shows not only a feminine side, or not only a masculine side. It is interchangeable between genders. Since I was writing the poem, I am the narrator, I was writing the poem as if the narrator were a girl and used “she.” Even though you can tell the narrator is a female, it is very possible for a male to be expressing their feelings like this. Anyone can use the words “sweet, soft, gentle” to describe a pair of eyes. Both men and women have feelings of fear, denial, and doubt when in love.
A part of love that everyone fears is getting hurt. I think that when in love, these feelings of uncertainty and trepidation are a defense mechanism. Nobody wants to get hurt by having high expectations for someone. You really cannot tell if the other person likes you unless you confront them about it and tell them how you feel. Sometimes they feel the same way, but other times, we aren’t so lucky. It is hard to find out what exactly is going on in your crush’s head. This sonnet addresses this issue by first saying what the feelings are usually like in a one way relationship. By the end of the sonnet, it is evident that this person has made up their mind. They are willing to take that risk and tell their crush the way that they feel.
I think my sonnet describes pretty accurately the situation that anyone is in when they are in love or at least have a crush on someone without the other person knowing. There is always a thought of whether or not the other person likes you, and the only way to find out is to come clean, which is a risky, but usually rewarding step. So next time you are in this situation, ask yourself, are you willing to take that risk?
Looking into your sweet, soft, gentle eyes,
Feelings confuse and overwhelm me.
I cover my emotions, finding a disguise,
For smiles and sighs that come sincerely.
Whenever you are to me near,
I try my best to disregard your presence.
It's the emotions that I fear,
The ones that don't make any sense.
I wish to never again see thee,
So I would not be tempted to
Tell you the thoughts that roam inside me.
I wonder what would happen if you knew?
Maybe I shouldn't fight what's true.
Soon, you will know the way I feel toward you.
Sonnet Analysis
“Love Denial” is a sonnet that shows all aspects of love. It shows certain emotions that can come from this state. One of the feelings that almost everyone deals with when is love is doubt. “Do I really love this person?” It can be hard to answer this question and decide. Some emotions can make you want to retreat. At the beginning you may feel head over heels in love, and then suddenly become bothered by the one you thought stole your heart.
In the beginning, the narrator talking to the person they love and telling them how gorgeous, amazing, and wonderful they are. As she looks into his “sweet, soft, gentle eyes,” she is overcome with a mixture of emotions. She is afraid that if he sees her looking, sighing, and smiling at him, then he might be repulsed by her actions. She is worried that he doesn’t feel the same way toward her and doesn’t want him to feel strange about it if he finds out her true feelings. The quote “I try to find a suitable disguise, for smiles and sighs that come sincerely,” describes that she is trying to cover her feelings and facial expressions, but it is difficult, since she is so in love.
The second stanza shows us a slightly different perspective. The narrator is continuing to describing some fears that she has about this romance. She is worried about the consequences. She is so in love with him, that when he is around her, she cannot function. She melts, she starts to pant, and is overpowered by his presence. This is why she tries to disregard him, to avoid making a fool of herself and doing something that she would regret later. She is constantly in a state of dreaminess because of him. He is the one who makes her so lost in everything else that is going on in her life, because he is the only thing she can focus on. The thoughts that roam in her mind are about him. “Does he love me, should I tell him how I feel, should I stop liking him, is this leading anywhere?” These are some of the questions that she tries to answer to herself. She knows that he is the source of all her feelings, but is still surprised at the emotions that he makes her experience. Each time she sees him, or hears his name, she gets stirred up. She turns around to see if he is around, and if he isn’t, she goes back to dreaming about him. But if he is, she turns away and pays no attention to him. It is always like this. When we are in love, we idolize the person in our minds, but when we are around them, they are very different from how we imagine them to be. We are aware that nobody is perfect, but being in the physical presence of someone is very different than just imagining and thinking of them. Most of the time, love is an illusion and what we are imagining is much more appealing than the truth.
The last full stanza is showing yet another attitude. It shows the narrator wishing that she would never again have the chance to see her beloved. She understands that maybe she is too into this guy, and the only way for her to stop loving him is for him to never see her again. She doesn’t want to be distracted by this eye candy. She is afraid that at some point, she won’t be able to hold in her emotions anymore, and she will burst! She does not want to share them though, so if she doesn’t see him, then she will not have the chance to tell him. Just when you think that the narrator has decided that she won’t be overpowered by her emotions, the last couple of lines of the sonnet inform you that she is taking into consideration talking to her loved one, and telling him about her feelings. The last line “Soon, you will know that way I feel toward you”, is implying that she is going to tell him the way she feels, and there is no doubt about it. It is inevitable.
I decided to write this sonnet because this is a feeling that I, and many people, experience. When you are in love, and at such a young age, it is difficult to decide if it is really true, of if it is just a little crush. At first you try to be with the person that you “love”, but it might become too much to handle. Then, we try to escape this feeling, and try to avoid the source of our love. As we chase, then abandon, then chase again, we are overwhelmed by everything going on. It is difficult to analyze our feelings, and decide why it is that we love this person so much.
The word choice that I tried to incorporate into the sonnet shows not only a feminine side, or not only a masculine side. It is interchangeable between genders. Since I was writing the poem, I am the narrator, I was writing the poem as if the narrator were a girl and used “she.” Even though you can tell the narrator is a female, it is very possible for a male to be expressing their feelings like this. Anyone can use the words “sweet, soft, gentle” to describe a pair of eyes. Both men and women have feelings of fear, denial, and doubt when in love.
A part of love that everyone fears is getting hurt. I think that when in love, these feelings of uncertainty and trepidation are a defense mechanism. Nobody wants to get hurt by having high expectations for someone. You really cannot tell if the other person likes you unless you confront them about it and tell them how you feel. Sometimes they feel the same way, but other times, we aren’t so lucky. It is hard to find out what exactly is going on in your crush’s head. This sonnet addresses this issue by first saying what the feelings are usually like in a one way relationship. By the end of the sonnet, it is evident that this person has made up their mind. They are willing to take that risk and tell their crush the way that they feel.
I think my sonnet describes pretty accurately the situation that anyone is in when they are in love or at least have a crush on someone without the other person knowing. There is always a thought of whether or not the other person likes you, and the only way to find out is to come clean, which is a risky, but usually rewarding step. So next time you are in this situation, ask yourself, are you willing to take that risk?
Monday, April 2, 2007
Love Denial
I look into your sweet, soft, gentle eyes,
And all the feelings overwhelm me.
I try to find a suitable disguise
For all my sighs that come sincerely.
When you are close to me, and we are near,
I try my best to disregard your presence.
It's the emotions that I fear.
The ones that don't make any sense.
I wish to never again see thee,
So I would not be tempted to,
Tell you the thoughts that roam inside me.
I wonder what would happen if you knew?
Maybe I shouldn't fight what's true,
Soon, you will know the way I feel toward you.
And all the feelings overwhelm me.
I try to find a suitable disguise
For all my sighs that come sincerely.
When you are close to me, and we are near,
I try my best to disregard your presence.
It's the emotions that I fear.
The ones that don't make any sense.
I wish to never again see thee,
So I would not be tempted to,
Tell you the thoughts that roam inside me.
I wonder what would happen if you knew?
Maybe I shouldn't fight what's true,
Soon, you will know the way I feel toward you.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Ghost Story
“Oh, these are going to come out so good. I can’t wait to pierce it with my fork and indulge myself into the rich taste.”
“I remember when you were about three, you and your grandfather were making pelmeni and you ate a raw piece of meat. He was so guilty that he wasn’t watching you! He almost cried.”
“I love being with you in the kitchen. I think we really bond.”
“Yes, me too. Min sen yorotam, kizim.”
“Min sen yorotam, zurani.”
Min sen yorotam means I love you in Tatar, the language that my dad’s side of the family can speak (it is related to Turkish). I remember these moments so well, just me and my zurani, or grandmother. The memories that I have are always circling my mind. No matter what the occasion, certain events will bring up reminiscences.
“Let’s go Yulia. We better leave now if we want to get back before the sun sets.”
I remember how we would take the train to go to my grandparents’ cottage in the country. We spent lots of time there when I came to visit. It gave us some freedom. We didn’t have to abide by the rules of the city life. We could frolic in the fields and go skinny dipping in the ponds. Before bed, we would bathe in the sauna that my grandparents built near the house. During the day, we worked in the garden. Even though it was strenuous work, being with my grandma made it fun and relaxing. I picked fruits off of the plants and made gorgeous bouquets of flowers. Occasionally we would harvest birch tree branches and make them into brooms. In the sauna, we used these brooms to spray hot water on our bodies. We rubbed honey on ourselves to make our skin beautiful. We ended the night with a fresh warm glass of goat milk. Sometimes I go to the sauna in our apartment building, and the dry air and wooden walls remind me of those incredible times.
The smell of antiseptics filled my nostrils. This hospital had a certain pleasurable feeling to it. I didn’t want to run and hide when I entered. I followed my grandmother around and watched her do errands. If she needed to assist a doctor, I waited in the nurse’s lounge with her friends and colleagues. We would have tea and I would tell them about America. They listened to me as if I were some sort of fortune teller. Though I was more than thirty years younger than them, I felt like I was their teacher. They were clueless about what America was like. They looked at me as if I was some sort of alien that came from a distant planet called the USA.
My grandma always weighed me when we were at the hospital. She said it was the only place with an accurate scale. She would always tell me how skinny I was and that I needed to gain some weight, and inevitably I did. She would feed me the best food in the world. I didn’t care how unhealthy or fattening it was, I just ate it. She filled my mind with thoughts and ideas about how to live. “Never smoke”, she would tell me. “Don’t be like your mother.” These remarks made me upset. She never did approve of my mother. Only when she was dying did she realize that life is too short to waste it on ancient grudges. She always wanted my father to marry a Tatar housewife, one that could cook, clean and take care of my grandma’s only son. My mom was the total opposite. She was a Russian blonde who had dreams. She still is like that. She is an adventure seeker. I sometimes wanted to scream at my grandmother for making comments like these in front of me. Did she think that I wouldn’t say anything to my mother? I told my mom everything.
Moments like these made me feel like a failure. My grandmother had an aggressive temper. She was always very selfish, but I never made a big deal of it. One time when I came to visit, she got mad at me and didn’t say a word to me for a whole week. How is a ten year old child supposed to react?
Wholly, my grandmother was a great woman. She was a real fighter. She was a Woman Warrior. Her whole life she tried to be the best mother, wife, grandmother, nurse, and friend that she could be. She made many mistakes over the course of her life, but in the end, they all don’t matter.
“Yulia, I have some bad news. Your grandmother has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.”
“…Oh, wow. I’m…I’m so sorry. This is devastating. I can’t believe it.”
I went through many phases when I found out. It all started with her breaking her arm when I came to visit that summer. We were walking to a neighbor’s house, and his dog startled us, and my grandmother fell. I felt a sense of guilt, even though it wasn’t my fault. I knew that the dog was there, but I didn’t expect it to jump out at us like that. I tried to do everything that I could to help. After her arm healed, and I went back to the US, my dad told me the news. I was very shocked. How could this happen to her? She doesn’t deserve this. The cancer started with pains in her hip. She went through a stage when she could barely walk. She had to go to surgery and have her right breast removed. It was so painful to see her the following summer. We went to the sauna, naked, and I saw the huge scar that took up the majority of her right chest. I couldn’t even look. Everything seemed to be going well. She was getting better. The chemotherapy was working, and eventually she was clear of the disease. The hair that was falling out during radiation was starting to grow back and she looked very healthy. Little did we know, this was just a short stage in her disease. After a while, we found out that she was back in treatment. Eventually, nothing was helping her. She was sent home to just rest. What the doctors really meant was that they were sending her to die in her home. Each time my dad called to see how she was doing, she was getting worse and worse. We knew that she was going through a lot of pain, and there was nothing we could do to help. We waited as her condition deteriorated, and when the dreaded call finally came, we were ready. Instead of feeling a major sense of grief, we felt relief. Zurani suffered through so much. She felt a lot of pain and anguish. My grandfather isn’t exactly a very emotional person, so no matter how much he tried, he still couldn’t give her as much support as she needed. We were happy that she was at peace.
She died about one year ago, and ever since her death, I’ve been feeling sort of empty. Her name always comes up in the house because she was such a big part of our lives. For some she was a close, loving mother, for others, a mean and not understanding mother-in-law. Either way, she was a huge part. She always challenged me to be the best that I can be. My grandmother suffered a lot during her life. When she was a child, her father left the family and remarried 2 more times. As the oldest child, she took care of her siblings. She used to always tell me about the awful childhood that she had. I would listen. The older I became, the more educated I became. I started analyzing her stories. Why did she always feel so bad for herself? I think that this constant sense of self-pity finally got to her, and eventually lead her to illness. My ghost is not necessarily my zurani, it is the state that she was in. The feeling of self-pity and defeat is one that I never in my life would want to experience. My parents brought me up to be independent and want me to disregard any attacks that come my way. They have made a strong individual out of me, molded me into this person that I am. I believe that I do have potential to be the next Woman Warrior in my family.
This trait that I fear the most eventually comes over me. Every person wants to feel sorry for themselves, and I do all the time. What I am fearful of is that this sense of pity will overcome me. This is a ghost that I fight constantly. Sometimes I want to talk back and defend myself or just show everyone what a poor little girl I am, but in reality, I know this is not the case. Nobody in my situation has the right to say their life sucks. Part of this ghost that I am running from is feeling grateful. Everyday I thank life for granting me one more day, and I wish that I will be able to live it to the fullest, without sorrow, shame, misfortune, or pity for myself. Although I don’t like this state of being, this ghost is not something that I feel I will easily get rid of. I just need to constantly condition myself and then the ghost will disappear.
I have learned through many experiences that life is a great opportunity and sitting in sulk and wasting it away makes no sense. I will overpower this ghost. I will teach it whose boss. This internal struggle is not one that will last very long, for I have almost won.
“I remember when you were about three, you and your grandfather were making pelmeni and you ate a raw piece of meat. He was so guilty that he wasn’t watching you! He almost cried.”
“I love being with you in the kitchen. I think we really bond.”
“Yes, me too. Min sen yorotam, kizim.”
“Min sen yorotam, zurani.”
Min sen yorotam means I love you in Tatar, the language that my dad’s side of the family can speak (it is related to Turkish). I remember these moments so well, just me and my zurani, or grandmother. The memories that I have are always circling my mind. No matter what the occasion, certain events will bring up reminiscences.
“Let’s go Yulia. We better leave now if we want to get back before the sun sets.”
I remember how we would take the train to go to my grandparents’ cottage in the country. We spent lots of time there when I came to visit. It gave us some freedom. We didn’t have to abide by the rules of the city life. We could frolic in the fields and go skinny dipping in the ponds. Before bed, we would bathe in the sauna that my grandparents built near the house. During the day, we worked in the garden. Even though it was strenuous work, being with my grandma made it fun and relaxing. I picked fruits off of the plants and made gorgeous bouquets of flowers. Occasionally we would harvest birch tree branches and make them into brooms. In the sauna, we used these brooms to spray hot water on our bodies. We rubbed honey on ourselves to make our skin beautiful. We ended the night with a fresh warm glass of goat milk. Sometimes I go to the sauna in our apartment building, and the dry air and wooden walls remind me of those incredible times.
The smell of antiseptics filled my nostrils. This hospital had a certain pleasurable feeling to it. I didn’t want to run and hide when I entered. I followed my grandmother around and watched her do errands. If she needed to assist a doctor, I waited in the nurse’s lounge with her friends and colleagues. We would have tea and I would tell them about America. They listened to me as if I were some sort of fortune teller. Though I was more than thirty years younger than them, I felt like I was their teacher. They were clueless about what America was like. They looked at me as if I was some sort of alien that came from a distant planet called the USA.
My grandma always weighed me when we were at the hospital. She said it was the only place with an accurate scale. She would always tell me how skinny I was and that I needed to gain some weight, and inevitably I did. She would feed me the best food in the world. I didn’t care how unhealthy or fattening it was, I just ate it. She filled my mind with thoughts and ideas about how to live. “Never smoke”, she would tell me. “Don’t be like your mother.” These remarks made me upset. She never did approve of my mother. Only when she was dying did she realize that life is too short to waste it on ancient grudges. She always wanted my father to marry a Tatar housewife, one that could cook, clean and take care of my grandma’s only son. My mom was the total opposite. She was a Russian blonde who had dreams. She still is like that. She is an adventure seeker. I sometimes wanted to scream at my grandmother for making comments like these in front of me. Did she think that I wouldn’t say anything to my mother? I told my mom everything.
Moments like these made me feel like a failure. My grandmother had an aggressive temper. She was always very selfish, but I never made a big deal of it. One time when I came to visit, she got mad at me and didn’t say a word to me for a whole week. How is a ten year old child supposed to react?
Wholly, my grandmother was a great woman. She was a real fighter. She was a Woman Warrior. Her whole life she tried to be the best mother, wife, grandmother, nurse, and friend that she could be. She made many mistakes over the course of her life, but in the end, they all don’t matter.
“Yulia, I have some bad news. Your grandmother has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.”
“…Oh, wow. I’m…I’m so sorry. This is devastating. I can’t believe it.”
I went through many phases when I found out. It all started with her breaking her arm when I came to visit that summer. We were walking to a neighbor’s house, and his dog startled us, and my grandmother fell. I felt a sense of guilt, even though it wasn’t my fault. I knew that the dog was there, but I didn’t expect it to jump out at us like that. I tried to do everything that I could to help. After her arm healed, and I went back to the US, my dad told me the news. I was very shocked. How could this happen to her? She doesn’t deserve this. The cancer started with pains in her hip. She went through a stage when she could barely walk. She had to go to surgery and have her right breast removed. It was so painful to see her the following summer. We went to the sauna, naked, and I saw the huge scar that took up the majority of her right chest. I couldn’t even look. Everything seemed to be going well. She was getting better. The chemotherapy was working, and eventually she was clear of the disease. The hair that was falling out during radiation was starting to grow back and she looked very healthy. Little did we know, this was just a short stage in her disease. After a while, we found out that she was back in treatment. Eventually, nothing was helping her. She was sent home to just rest. What the doctors really meant was that they were sending her to die in her home. Each time my dad called to see how she was doing, she was getting worse and worse. We knew that she was going through a lot of pain, and there was nothing we could do to help. We waited as her condition deteriorated, and when the dreaded call finally came, we were ready. Instead of feeling a major sense of grief, we felt relief. Zurani suffered through so much. She felt a lot of pain and anguish. My grandfather isn’t exactly a very emotional person, so no matter how much he tried, he still couldn’t give her as much support as she needed. We were happy that she was at peace.
She died about one year ago, and ever since her death, I’ve been feeling sort of empty. Her name always comes up in the house because she was such a big part of our lives. For some she was a close, loving mother, for others, a mean and not understanding mother-in-law. Either way, she was a huge part. She always challenged me to be the best that I can be. My grandmother suffered a lot during her life. When she was a child, her father left the family and remarried 2 more times. As the oldest child, she took care of her siblings. She used to always tell me about the awful childhood that she had. I would listen. The older I became, the more educated I became. I started analyzing her stories. Why did she always feel so bad for herself? I think that this constant sense of self-pity finally got to her, and eventually lead her to illness. My ghost is not necessarily my zurani, it is the state that she was in. The feeling of self-pity and defeat is one that I never in my life would want to experience. My parents brought me up to be independent and want me to disregard any attacks that come my way. They have made a strong individual out of me, molded me into this person that I am. I believe that I do have potential to be the next Woman Warrior in my family.
This trait that I fear the most eventually comes over me. Every person wants to feel sorry for themselves, and I do all the time. What I am fearful of is that this sense of pity will overcome me. This is a ghost that I fight constantly. Sometimes I want to talk back and defend myself or just show everyone what a poor little girl I am, but in reality, I know this is not the case. Nobody in my situation has the right to say their life sucks. Part of this ghost that I am running from is feeling grateful. Everyday I thank life for granting me one more day, and I wish that I will be able to live it to the fullest, without sorrow, shame, misfortune, or pity for myself. Although I don’t like this state of being, this ghost is not something that I feel I will easily get rid of. I just need to constantly condition myself and then the ghost will disappear.
I have learned through many experiences that life is a great opportunity and sitting in sulk and wasting it away makes no sense. I will overpower this ghost. I will teach it whose boss. This internal struggle is not one that will last very long, for I have almost won.
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